Power Listening

4. Active Listening

Effective Listening Quiz

What do you know about effective listening? Take a few minutes and complete the following quiz.

1. A good listener does not have to concentrate on the speaker.
2. A good listener listens for facts, not ideas.
3. Listening means we really just need to sit there and passively listen.
4. People with hearing loss cannot be good listeners.
5. Most people listen well.
6. Good listeners know what a speaker is saying and can interrupt.
7. Effective listening is done with the whole body.
8. You can be an effective listener in any culture, provided you understand the language.

Did You Know?

• Most of us have not been taught to listen but we spend about half of our time listening.
• About 50% of misunderstandings occur because people do not listen effectively.
• Most of us believe that being heard is more important than hearing someone else.
• People believe that just because a person can hear, then he or she can also listen well.
• Many of us have never heard or understand there are different ways to listen.
• Eighty percent of interpersonal communication is non-verbal.

Question: What is the difference between a good listener and a poor listener?
How to Listen Well

Coaching is different type of conversation than what we have on a day-to-day basis. When coaching, you are listening intently to what the other person is saying and feeling. It is NOT a two-way conversation—the focus is all on the other person – it is NOT about you or your needs, wants, or feelings.

The Importance of Listening

How often do you really feel like you are being listened to? That people really get what you are saying and feeling? Most people do not feel like they are being heard. Therefore, in coaching, listening is the key. Just listen. That in itself is powerful.

Things to listen for:

• What they are saying
• What they are not saying
• How they are saying it
• What feelings and emotions are being expressed (or withheld)?
• Cause vs. Effect
• Blame
• What they are committed to
• What inspires, motivates, excites them

Coaching tip: the client does not always tell you everything that is happening. Listen for subtle changes in voice, avoidance of questions, anger or other strong emotions. Very gently ask more questions. Let the person know you are really listening.

SKILL EXPLANATION

1. Acknowledging Providing verbal or non-verbal awareness

i.e. eye contact, nodding, leaning in…

2. Restating, paraphrasing Verifying or summarizing a person's basic message

3. Reflecting Reflecting feelings, experiences, or content

that has been heard or perceived through cues

4. Interpreting Offering a tentative interpretation about the

other's feelings, desires, or meanings

5. Clarifying Questioning in a supportive way that requests more

information or that attempts to clear up confusions

6. Giving feedback Sharing perceptions of the other's ideas or feelings;

disclosing relevant personal information

7. Checking perceptions Finding out if interpretations and perceptions

are valid and accurate

8. Being quiet Giving the other time to think as well as to talk

Question: Which of these skills do you find yourself doing naturally now? In what situations do you find yourself doing them?

Re-Phrasing

Verify what you are hearing by repeating it back in your own words. This is a very powerful technique, as it really shows you are listening. It also helps them express their feelings, or become clearer about what they really do mean.

Paraphrasing, Restating, & Reflecting

• So, you mean…?
• So you are saying…?
• Are you saying that…?
• So what you're saying is that you...
• In other words, you feel that...
• Just so I understand you correctly, you are saying…
• What I am hearing you say is…
• It sounds like you mean…
• Let me see if I’m on track with you…
• What I’m picking up from you is…

Clarifying

• What do you mean by that?
• Can you say more about that?
• Can you elaborate on that for me?
• Help me understand…
• What I heard you say was…
• Tell me more.
• Have you thought about…?
• Is that how you really feel/think?

Active listening and questioning is neutral in that we are not adding information, but trying to understand it better. Just try to understand and see things through their eyes. Active listening is about clarification, so that we and the other person are very clear about what is going on.

Example: Regular listening

Bob: I don't like this company as much as I thought I would. It seems like people are always so busy and have no time to talk.


Para: Yes, I know. I’m always busy with my work too. Every is always stressed and working hard.

Bob: Yeah. I haven't made any good connections here. No one seems to speak to me much.

Para: Maybe you should try to talk to people more than. Don’t be so shy. That’s what I did when I started here. I would just talk to people.

Bob: Yeah. I wish people would be a little more friendlier.

Active Listening

Bob: I don't like this company as much as I thought I would. It seems like people are always so busy and have no time to talk. 


Para: It sounds like you are unhappy at this company? 


Bob: Yeah. I haven't made any good connections here. No one seems to speak to me much.

Para: You are feeling left out here, because people don’t talk with you? 


Bob: Yeah. I wish people would be a little more friendlier.

Your Turn!

To the speaker--Your task is to talk about what you want (some criteria) from an overseas holiday, but without mentioning a destination. Talk for 3-4 minutes.

To the listener--Your task is to seek to understand the speaker, both what is said and not said. Demonstrate active listening through eye contact and body language, and ask any clarification questions.

Wrap Up: After 3-4 minutes the listener has to summarize the 3 or 4 main criteria that he/she has heard the talker express and then make one recommendation of a suitable destination.